I will try and...

Becoming 23 years old in 6 days time, I would like to make it a point to do something for/about myself. I've realized how many times I have taken granted the time that I was given.
I'll be more realistic this year with the things I want to do. And start with something more achievable rather than being hyped up and zealous about doing something I would absolutely not do.

1. I will try and take my omega 3 capsules every night.
2. I will try and drink more green tea instead of milo or coffee.
3. I will try and do my weekly facial régime.
4. I will try and finish 2 books before Seremban starts.
5. I will try and take multivitamins the one especially for women. (Hehe)
6. I will try and take more fruits and vegetables and make everyone eat salad every week or at least once a month in Seremban.
7. I will try and keep track of my money in a tech savvy way.

And after a long lists of 'I will try and', i just realized something.

The correct usage is actually... I will try to...and It's not ' I will try and'.. I literally direct translated that Malay phrase.. (Saya akan cuba dan..)

Hahaha..shit... I guess, last but not least..

8. I will try to improve my English.

Special shoutout to Mr Joojoo. Thank you, darling for buying me 'Dot'. I'll use it well when I'm in Seremban! 8) Love you to bits and pieces.

My first ever gift from Sephora. And a fishing cap! 😍

Dot by Marc Jacobs.

And a simple handmade card for my love for our first Valentines.
And some Lindt chocolates.

Happy Chinese New Year.
Happy Valentine's Day, Cabby and everyone!
And Happy Birthday, Fabby. :D

A little prayer for Joo

Dear Lord,

In another two days, it will mark our 8th month journey together. Some people say time is nothing. Your relationship shouldn't be so dependent on time.  But if time isn't a factor, then why is there a saying that goes, 'only time will tell'? To me, this is really an achievement because my previous relationships never lasted this long. I've learnt a lot from this relationship and it made me become someone more realistic. And also helped me to learn how to truly love someone.

Going back to KK and in my 'soul searching' moment, I've met a number of people. Each has their own bitter sweet experiences and a taste in this thing called "love".

So, what is love?

- Love is unconditional acceptance.
- Love is patient.
- Love is trusting in that person and having faith.
- Love is about sacrifices

And these are just a few of the many elements that I have gathered. Sometimes I wonder, do I really love Cyril? Have I loved him enough? If I don't, why does he matter to me? And if I do, why are there still things about him which I cannot seem to fully accept?

Being apart from Cyril for four months was really challenging. Even mount Kinabalu ain't that tough. This distance really helped me to learn how to trust him and also to trust in you, Lord, that you will look after him. Temptations after temptations are always out there being so sneaky, and always coming uninvited.

Maybe this silence in between us is doing us good. Maybe it's not me trying to harden my heart. But to have faith in Cyril that he still loves and cherish me. Probably there are so many things that he wanted to say, but doesn't know where to start. And he just cannot verbalize his thoughts. Or probably he just doesn't know what to say because whatever he says might even be used against him or jeopardize the situation. I can only guess and will never know unless he tells me.

So Lord, I pray to you that you will give him the courage to speak out one day, grant him the wisdom and also to allow Cyril to learn how to trust. My Cyril is 180cm tall, looks like a man, sounded like a man but is still very much of a little boy. He's silly, adorable and just genuinely nice.

Lord, I pray that you continuously give him strength to go through each day, help him in his office work, his house chores, his responsibilities as a son and a brother, and also in the difficulties in life. When he is feeling tired after a long day, I pray that he will get a good night sleep. And when he is out with his friends till late, I pray that you grant him safety and protection on his way home. When there are major decisions that he needs to make, or is lost, Lord, please give him some pointers. (P/s: He can be very blur at times, so, Lord, please make it obvious for him.)

But whatever it is Lord, I pray for Cyril that he will have an open heart to accept and receive You. I pray for our relationship to mature and to grow. And I pray for mutual trust and understanding in between us. And,God, please be in the center of our relationship, and let Your will be done and not mine.

Last Saturday, Father Alberto's homily really struck me. Quoting roughly from him,

"Many times, we are always in love with our own ideas of someone we love that we don't really love the person for who they are."

Help me in this journey of faith, O Lord. And let not just me but others to see the goodness in Cyril.

Amen.

Letter #1.

Dear Future Husband,

Today has been a crappy day. It started off with my shift supervisor interrupting my sleep in the morning claiming that it was my shift whereas I have told my store manager I can only work tomorrow. I'm having a very epic "voice change" now and was sick for the past 4 weeks. Coming close to a month. Perhaps due to stress of the exams. Hopefully, by the time that you are reading this, I would be a competent houseman or a doctor. I'm struggling now. Really I am. Trying my best to understand the physiology of the body and also the human anatomy. But it's really hard, darling. I was very distracted with so many freaking things on my mind. You might call me silly if i were to tell you. But yes, I am. I hope that by the time I meet you, I would have matured into someone who can focus better. Who knows what are my priorities. To be a good wife, a filial daughter, an understanding mother, a friend who people can count on and a competent doctor.
I would want to be someone like that when I'm with you.
Right now, I'm so lost. I have always been lost. This is really bad.
Anyway, dear, I bought two tumblers today for Christmas! Will be giving them away as a gift. Or maybe using them. It really depends. And I bought some earrings for Sandra, Li Zhen and Vui Yung too! Yes, those girls. :) And after that, I had dinner with my sisters, brother-in-law, Ethan and Katelyn and baby Isaac. Thinking of some dessert after dinner but we went Toys R'us instead.
I guess we will be going to Toys R' Us soon to get toys for our friends who are having baby showers or maybe for baby Isaac.
I feel so much happier to write this letter to you today. I guess it's a form of assurance.
Don't laugh at me, k?

I don't know who you are. But I'm sure you will be someone I really love. Because you're my hubby! And yes, I am always cheesy and crazy like that. <3 p="p">
I'm listening to a bunch of emo songs which doesn't help my situation now.
Darling, don't ever promise me anything that you can't keep okay? It hurts me more because you're giving me false hopes. And i don't like to feel disappointed.

Signing off. :)

My weakness: Tears

I've always tried to held it in. To hold back my tears.
A woman's biggest strength, has become one of her weakness.
It's because of my tears that sometimes things just worsen.
I can't suppress the feeling. Because everytime i do, I felt that tingly sensation.
I just wanna show you who I really am.
Would you still be able to accept me?

Never easy

Everything is always easier said than done.
When you view your friend's relationship from a third person's point of view,
When things aren't going on well,
You would easily slip out, "What are you thinking of? Just break up."
But it's never easy.
It's never easy to let go.
It's never easy to build up that trust.
It's never easy to create memories again.

Whilst you could be out there... enjoying..
You left me sprawled on the floor,
Heartache with tears,
Were the things you said were just mere words?
Were the promises you made were just emptiness?
You were like a limb to me. The loss of you feels like losing a part of me.
Was I never a part of you?