Dear Lord,
In another two days, it will mark our 8th month journey together. Some people say time is nothing. Your relationship shouldn't be so dependent on time. But if time isn't a factor, then why is there a saying that goes, 'only time will tell'? To me, this is really an achievement because my previous relationships never lasted this long. I've learnt a lot from this relationship and it made me become someone more realistic. And also helped me to learn how to truly love someone.
Going back to KK and in my 'soul searching' moment, I've met a number of people. Each has their own bitter sweet experiences and a taste in this thing called "love".
So, what is love?
- Love is unconditional acceptance.
- Love is patient.
- Love is trusting in that person and having faith.
- Love is about sacrifices
And these are just a few of the many elements that I have gathered. Sometimes I wonder, do I really love Cyril? Have I loved him enough? If I don't, why does he matter to me? And if I do, why are there still things about him which I cannot seem to fully accept?
Being apart from Cyril for four months was really challenging. Even mount Kinabalu ain't that tough. This distance really helped me to learn how to trust him and also to trust in you, Lord, that you will look after him. Temptations after temptations are always out there being so sneaky, and always coming uninvited.
Maybe this silence in between us is doing us good. Maybe it's not me trying to harden my heart. But to have faith in Cyril that he still loves and cherish me. Probably there are so many things that he wanted to say, but doesn't know where to start. And he just cannot verbalize his thoughts. Or probably he just doesn't know what to say because whatever he says might even be used against him or jeopardize the situation. I can only guess and will never know unless he tells me.
So Lord, I pray to you that you will give him the courage to speak out one day, grant him the wisdom and also to allow Cyril to learn how to trust. My Cyril is 180cm tall, looks like a man, sounded like a man but is still very much of a little boy. He's silly, adorable and just genuinely nice.
Lord, I pray that you continuously give him strength to go through each day, help him in his office work, his house chores, his responsibilities as a son and a brother, and also in the difficulties in life. When he is feeling tired after a long day, I pray that he will get a good night sleep. And when he is out with his friends till late, I pray that you grant him safety and protection on his way home. When there are major decisions that he needs to make, or is lost, Lord, please give him some pointers. (P/s: He can be very blur at times, so, Lord, please make it obvious for him.)
But whatever it is Lord, I pray for Cyril that he will have an open heart to accept and receive You. I pray for our relationship to mature and to grow. And I pray for mutual trust and understanding in between us. And,God, please be in the center of our relationship, and let Your will be done and not mine.
Last Saturday, Father Alberto's homily really struck me. Quoting roughly from him,
"Many times, we are always in love with our own ideas of someone we love that we don't really love the person for who they are."
Help me in this journey of faith, O Lord. And let not just me but others to see the goodness in Cyril.
Amen.
