Tired

God, I'm so tired of life. This emotional rollercoaster is driving me crazy.
I'm so tired of trying to be so perfect in everything.
I'm so tired of trying so hard each day.
I'm so tired of thinking so much for every single thing that bothers me.
I'm so tired of thinking of what I want to do and can't do.
I'm so tired of all these problems coming one after another.
It's so tiring to be penalized for little mistakes that I've done.
I'm really really tired.

If you're listening, please...help me.

Published on June 2nd, 2013 | by FM

11 Differences Between Dating a Boy Vs a Man

1. A man knows what he wants, and goes for it. A boy may have somewhat of an idea, but not really. He doesn’t think too much about it, and even if he does, doesn’t exert much effort to get it. A boy is passive, a man is assertive.

2. A man plans for his future and is working towards building a foundation and infrastructure in order to have a family (at some point in his life).  A boy lives only in the moment and his plans are mostly around which bar he’s going to hit up on the weekend.

3. A man looks for a woman with intelligence, who is supportive, grounded and encompasses a shared set of values when choosing a partner. A boy cares mostly only for girls who are hot, wild and exciting.

4. A man knows a good woman when he meets one and will take initiative to get to know her. A boy may make an attempt if you’re lucky, but gives up before ever really trying.

5. A man has the courage to have uncomfortable conversations. He is honest with his intentions and lets people know where they stand. A boy avoids. He ignores confrontation or any serious talks about feelings. Instead of dealing with a situation, he runs away from it or creates drama or excuses to mask the fact he’s not that into you or a relationship.

6. A man knows when to invest in a woman and jump in with two feet. A boy is always “testing” – he doesn’t fully commit because he never knows if he is quite ready. But the truth is, because he is a boy, regardless of who he meets, he will never be ready due to the stage of life he is in.

7. A man knows how to have a good time and be social, but is often busy making strides in his career and building his life. A boy is getting crunk with his buddies at the bar every weekend.

8. A man takes the time to reflect on the type of man he wants to be, the example he wants to leave and the vision for his life. He has put thought into his values. A boy has not established his moral compass or values and consequently, is often inconsistent.

9. A man has integrity. He means what he says, and says what he means. He has follow through and actions his promises. And if he can’t he has the guts to tell you why. A boy makes promises but doesn’t follow through.

10. A man is afraid of rejection but will put himself out there anyway. A boy is afraid of rejection and acts passive so that his pride and ego won’t ever get too banged up.

Now, a lot of these differences require taking the time to know someone to figure out if the apple of your eye is indeed a man, or a mere boy. However, one of the quickest filters that you can notice from the beginning is this:

11. A boy plays games. A man doesn’t.

Source:

http://www.funnymalaysia.net/11-differences-between-dating-a-boy-vs-a-man/

Today, a dear friend of mine, shared this link with me. Guys, you're no longer getting any younger. A person's heart is not meant to be played. If you're not ready, please don't lead the girl on and promise her all the things you know you can't do. Because she's so silly and naive that she keeps on believing. And at the end of the day, it hurts and the heart bleeds. 

Keeping quiet.

When I keep quiet, that doesn't mean everything is OK. In fact, everything is NOT ok.
Tearing up just seem so natural these few days, it seems like an unfavourable past time to comfort myself in this difficult period, crying silently in my room and looking alright as I leave my comfort zone.

Only God knows how much it hurts.

I will try and...

Becoming 23 years old in 6 days time, I would like to make it a point to do something for/about myself. I've realized how many times I have taken granted the time that I was given.
I'll be more realistic this year with the things I want to do. And start with something more achievable rather than being hyped up and zealous about doing something I would absolutely not do.

1. I will try and take my omega 3 capsules every night.
2. I will try and drink more green tea instead of milo or coffee.
3. I will try and do my weekly facial régime.
4. I will try and finish 2 books before Seremban starts.
5. I will try and take multivitamins the one especially for women. (Hehe)
6. I will try and take more fruits and vegetables and make everyone eat salad every week or at least once a month in Seremban.
7. I will try and keep track of my money in a tech savvy way.

And after a long lists of 'I will try and', i just realized something.

The correct usage is actually... I will try to...and It's not ' I will try and'.. I literally direct translated that Malay phrase.. (Saya akan cuba dan..)

Hahaha..shit... I guess, last but not least..

8. I will try to improve my English.

Special shoutout to Mr Joojoo. Thank you, darling for buying me 'Dot'. I'll use it well when I'm in Seremban! 8) Love you to bits and pieces.

My first ever gift from Sephora. And a fishing cap! 😍

Dot by Marc Jacobs.

And a simple handmade card for my love for our first Valentines.
And some Lindt chocolates.

Happy Chinese New Year.
Happy Valentine's Day, Cabby and everyone!
And Happy Birthday, Fabby. :D

A little prayer for Joo

Dear Lord,

In another two days, it will mark our 8th month journey together. Some people say time is nothing. Your relationship shouldn't be so dependent on time.  But if time isn't a factor, then why is there a saying that goes, 'only time will tell'? To me, this is really an achievement because my previous relationships never lasted this long. I've learnt a lot from this relationship and it made me become someone more realistic. And also helped me to learn how to truly love someone.

Going back to KK and in my 'soul searching' moment, I've met a number of people. Each has their own bitter sweet experiences and a taste in this thing called "love".

So, what is love?

- Love is unconditional acceptance.
- Love is patient.
- Love is trusting in that person and having faith.
- Love is about sacrifices

And these are just a few of the many elements that I have gathered. Sometimes I wonder, do I really love Cyril? Have I loved him enough? If I don't, why does he matter to me? And if I do, why are there still things about him which I cannot seem to fully accept?

Being apart from Cyril for four months was really challenging. Even mount Kinabalu ain't that tough. This distance really helped me to learn how to trust him and also to trust in you, Lord, that you will look after him. Temptations after temptations are always out there being so sneaky, and always coming uninvited.

Maybe this silence in between us is doing us good. Maybe it's not me trying to harden my heart. But to have faith in Cyril that he still loves and cherish me. Probably there are so many things that he wanted to say, but doesn't know where to start. And he just cannot verbalize his thoughts. Or probably he just doesn't know what to say because whatever he says might even be used against him or jeopardize the situation. I can only guess and will never know unless he tells me.

So Lord, I pray to you that you will give him the courage to speak out one day, grant him the wisdom and also to allow Cyril to learn how to trust. My Cyril is 180cm tall, looks like a man, sounded like a man but is still very much of a little boy. He's silly, adorable and just genuinely nice.

Lord, I pray that you continuously give him strength to go through each day, help him in his office work, his house chores, his responsibilities as a son and a brother, and also in the difficulties in life. When he is feeling tired after a long day, I pray that he will get a good night sleep. And when he is out with his friends till late, I pray that you grant him safety and protection on his way home. When there are major decisions that he needs to make, or is lost, Lord, please give him some pointers. (P/s: He can be very blur at times, so, Lord, please make it obvious for him.)

But whatever it is Lord, I pray for Cyril that he will have an open heart to accept and receive You. I pray for our relationship to mature and to grow. And I pray for mutual trust and understanding in between us. And,God, please be in the center of our relationship, and let Your will be done and not mine.

Last Saturday, Father Alberto's homily really struck me. Quoting roughly from him,

"Many times, we are always in love with our own ideas of someone we love that we don't really love the person for who they are."

Help me in this journey of faith, O Lord. And let not just me but others to see the goodness in Cyril.

Amen.